Howdy ya'll! It has been a while so you'll have to give me a moment, or two, to reacclimate myself with the keyboard. Shauna's doing and feeling well and as of today, August 1st, we're staring the birth of our son in the face.

Quick note: I know all of you guys have been keeping up with Andrea and Will's blog but I still had to add my own comment. How ridiculously cute is little Olivia?!! Thank God we're having a son because I know sharing his home with such a little heartthrob will definitely keep my man William Brooks up at night...good luck, buddy.

Shauna's mom has come and gone and, as a result, we're now finished with the nursery ( by the way, if you're a betting man--or woman--I might put a few bucks on Connor Paul as the name). I actually find myself experiencing a little bit of unborn-infant-envy...this little dude's closet is twice as filled as mine!!!!! Which means his closet is still only a fraction of his mother's but that's a topic for another day.

Anyhow, this dude is set in the clothing department. Thanks to the generosity of all of you I won't have to buy my son any clothing until he's about 9 or 10 years old and "thinks" he needs a razor, shaving cream and a jock strap. If he's anything like his daddy--and the smart money says he will be--he'll be closer to 30 than 13 the first time he wears out a razor...puberty's a b*%ch, CP.

Now that we're well into the last trimester it seems as if everyone with a stake in my beauty's pregnancy seems to have a target date.

Which reminds me, I'm in the wrong business. A few weeks back Shauna's doctor had the amazingly astute insight to inform her that her due date might be earlier because it appeared that "the baby is larger than expected". Really, doc?!! 8+ years of medical school combined with more than a decade of practicing your particular area of expertise and all you can come up with is that our baby is "larger than average"?!! I'm 6-foot, 8-inches tall and well north of 240 pounds so it would appear--in my less-than-expert-opinion--that you're not exactly predicting the 2nd coming of Christ.

What else do you have for me, doc? The 17 year old kid sitting next to me in the waiting room wearing the eyeliner and Marilyn Manson concert t-shirt might not be in it for the long haul with his "baby mamma"? Yao Ming might know his way around a pair of chopsticks? Bill Clinton might not have been completely forthright when he uttered the famous words "I have not had sexual relations with that girl".

My son will be big. Write it down. He also will not be a good dancer or listner and will frustrate the bejesus out of his mother with his penchant for finding his way into economy-size trouble while only being out of her sight for a few moments. What can I say? The nut usually doesn't fall too far from the tree...or grandtree.

Anyhow, we're getting very excited and other than the defensive drivin-er-birthing education class Shauna and I are scheduled to attend tomorrow, everything's going well. Which brings me to another point of contention. Why is it that on that fateful day when the pride and joy of our eyes decides to welcome himself into the world that the highly-educated and trained staff of your run-of-the-mill birthing room aren't enough? 5-6 highly educated and trained personnel aren't enough to make the birth go smoothly? Decades upon decades of preparation--not to mention hundreds of thousands of dollars in total student debt--aren't enough to make the birth go smoothly?

In addition to our insurance we also need to drop a plethora of dollars on a class that teaches both Shauna and me to breath?!!! Our ability to puff-puff-inhale is going to decide whether or not our son enters the world as a healthy baby?

If you're going into brain surgery do they require you first take a class on how to think less strenuously? If you're scheduled for a vasectomy do they require you first prove your ability to walk past an adult magazine rack without taking a second glance? This whole thing seems like: a) an exercise in racketeering, and b) quite possibly the least efficient use of a Saturday.

Thanks again for all of your comments and, more importantly, thank you all for your generous gifts for Shauna's baby shower. As the saying goes: it takes a village to raise a child. So we'll soon be sending out signup forms for you all to secure your day/weekend/month of child-raising for our son. Just kidding. Or am I?????

Have a great weekend and I promise it won't be nearly as long until we speak again.